To The Man I Will Eventually Marry…

How I’ve Come To Believe You Really DO Exist.

My dearest love,

Marriage. *scoff* (You shouldn’t be surprised that I scoff – after all, you know my heart better than any other human ever will.)

Had you asked me any time before the last month if I thought I would ever get married, my answer would have been an emphatic NO.

My reasons? There have been many: People get too wrapped up in the wedding and not enough in the marriage. A ring and a piece of paper shouldn’t dictate your level of commitment to another person. The need to showcase my good fortune to all my friends and family was never on my list of priorities. I don’t want to be promised forever – because no one can truly promise that to anyone.

Well, this is me – publicly and willingly – admitting that yes, marriage is something I definitely see in my future.

Alright. I said it.

Why the change of heart, you ask? It’s actually pretty simple when you get right down to it.

Through my typical rigorous self-examination, I realized I had veered too close to the idea that you didn’t exist at all; that there was no man capable of handling me. I fell prey to hopelessness, and I wasn’t able to cope with my own weakness. Because of this, I unknowingly built an impenetrable wall around the place in my heart where you belong, and I wasn’t about to let anyone get close enough to get inside.

But in the last month, I’ve begun tearing down that wall. I recognized that I’ve been keeping myself from all the things that I truly deserve. I’ve gotten cozy with this hopelessness I felt after so many failed attempts at love and I’ve realized something invaluable.

I know that you are out there looking for me too.

I’m a fucking believer, because I feel you now. All the time.

I’m not entirely sure how we will come to know one another (or if we already do!). But I do know that you’re there, and that your heart is in search of mine just as mine has always been in search of yours.

Soul counterparts experience these feelings, I’m told.

I see now that the approach that I took in love previously was never going to bring us together; that the misguided self-preservation I’ve been burying myself in was only keeping me away from you.

I know what you’re thinking…

This is all wonderful, and I’m glad you finally got there… but how in the hell are we supposed to find each other now?

The answer is pretty simple, my love; belief and manifestation.

Believe in YOU – your value, your goals, and your worthiness. Know that you are meant to be loved the way only I can love you (and trust me, it’s fucking epic). Celebrate all the things that make you, you – because those are the things that I am searching for!

The more you invest in you the easier it will be for me to see you. Because darling, I’m investing in myself now, too.

Manifest the feeling of being satisfied in love and let yourself enjoy it. Bathe in the warmth of knowing that you are ready to find me. Honour that you are a kind, caring, funny, intelligent, sometimes silly, often over-the-top, handsome, and emotionally connected man. Know that you already have everything you need on your own (as I know that about myself), and that the woman you are meant to marry (me!) will recognize all the things she’s doing for herself in you.

So why did I feel compelled to write this to you today, my sweet?

My desire to manifest this beautiful love that I know we are meant for is right at the surface of my every day. I’m living in an almost constant state of readiness. I feel the electricity of our impending discovery crackling in the air when I’m doing the most mundane things, like washing the dishes or scrolling through Instagram.

I feel your hand in mine, the warmth of your breath on my neck, and the way our bodies fit together perfectly when you hold me. I hear your voice, and your laughter in the spring breeze that tosses my hair wildly around my face. I dream of our life and know that it’s all coming together in the divine plan.

I believe. And before we can have each other, you need to believe too.

My connection to you tells me that like me, you’ve been struggling with the hopelessness. You’ve been in doubt and felt undeserving. I couldn’t go another day without telling you that until you let those things go and take down the walls you’ve built around that place in your heart, you’ll never be able to see me.

We may even have already met – a shared smile on the subway, or a random conversation in a coffee shop. Perhaps we may even be friends. You may even already love me! But I’ll never be THAT woman, until you see that you are THAT man.

Please don’t give up. I’m here, and I will always be here. I can’t wait to look into your eyes for the first time, both of us knowing that this is where we belong.

That we are where we belong.

I just need you to come to me, and I know you will.

With all of my love,

Rebecca